This blog is going to be a little bit of me just rambling with my thoughts so bear with me. Hear me out here, what if this is as good as it gets? What if all along we have been preparing for this future that doesn’t exist? What if in all the hustle and bustle striving towards a better tomorrow we forgot to fully embrace the now? That now that will be totally forgotten once we reach that future that we so desperately work towards. What if the best times are behind us? What if? Thoughts like this haven’t haunted me since white people elected Trump. I vaguely remember a tweet that basically said, “shoutout to the kids working towards a future that won’t exist”. A harsh mindset to have, but honestly, I know I am guilty and have been guilty of years of working hard for tomorrow. Working so hard that I rarely ever sit and take in the air of the current moment.
Damn that tweet. A future will exist. I just don’t know what it will hold. We don’t know what the future holds and we never have. I’m ashamed for not looking at the future with as much hope and joy that I have in the past, but maybe that comes with age? I’m going to continue to work towards the future because that’s all I can do. As long as we are alive and breathing we have to strive for a future, a better future for us all because if we don’t then who will?
Still, I ask, what if this is as good as it gets? Those times you barely made it home before the street lights came on, prom with all of your friends who you rarely get to see enough, those nights in college that turned into early mornings, or that job where you made good money but hated the location. I don’t live enough in the moment. I admire those that do. I wrote about my time at J. Cole’s concert last year and how energizing it was in the current climate. I promised myself that I would bask more in the beauty of living in the moment. That I would take everything good or bad and feel it to the max. A promise that I have not kept. If this truly is as good as it gets I want to feel all of this goodness to the max right now. No more half-ass feelings towards the now and catastrophically stressing over the future.
So again, I ask myself, what if this is as good as it gets? Well if it is I’m thankful I got to experience it all. I’m apologizing to myself for maybe not feeling everything as drastically as I could have. In accepting that apology I am fully prepared to feel everything, because who knows if I’ll ever get to feel it again? If this is as good as it gets then I’m going to be a light for others so that should our paths cross I can shine some light on them as well.
I’ll be okay.