Welcome back to Black Grad Life, where I speak on all things music, the Black experience, lifestyle, and life after college. Today, I’ll be processing Summer’s end. I’ll also be processing the feelings that come with that. Additionally, I’ll reflect on where my head has been the past few months.

Summertime Sadness

Another summer has reached its end. On a wet day in September, I watch it slip away like the sand in an hourglass. In a lot of ways, this summer was eventful despite the sadness I was battling. You see, summer used to mean everything to me. Fun, sunshine, a break from the norm… But the older I get, the more unhappy I find myself during this season. Fun and sunshine provided a break from the norm. But the older I get, the more unhappy I find myself. Temperatures and prices rising concurrently lead me to a sour temperament. I feel pressure to be. I expect things from myself and people alike that don’t always align. I’m in a constant battle of maintaining good habits while also not letting my vices get the best of me. I look back on this summer with a fog covering it. Not a fog of clouded judgment, but honestly a fog of weed smoke. I have a plethora of highlights from this summer. As do we all. I can’t help but wonder if my vices are a contributor to my summertime sadness. There’s times where I feel extremely closed off to the outside world completely in my own bubble. This summer being one of the times I felt it the most. Forever grateful to those who offered me a break from my thoughts this summer. The check-ins, the nights out, the trips, and the endless laughter. It all helped me a lot more than I’d ever admit face to face. The changes in perspective I gained. The clarity gained. All unmatched even throughout the sadness. I had a lot of thoughts this summer. I wonder if I’m doing things right. I wonder if I’m doing right by people. I hope I’m doing right by myself. As always constantly reminding myself not to think about time. But I can’t help it. I know my time is expiring with people. I worry if I’ll be ready for adult situations I’ve yet to face. I’m processing changes for better or worse. The person I once was for people is gone. The person I used to be in a lot of connections is also gone. It saddens me to disappoint people. I can tell when things change between us. I can feel the changes in me. Trying my best not to disappoint myself. I’m a lone wolf most times, but I’m well aware that I too can thrive in a pack. Welcoming confrontation with the motive of elevation.

Summer Olympics? More Like Mental Olympics

This summer was challenging in a lot of ways for me. With the mental and emotional gymnastics I put myself through, I should have as many golds as Simone Biles left Paris with. Reminding myself to refocus as always with a new perspective. Supporting myself and others in hopes of having that support reflected back at me. Understanding that as I get older it is not about being surrounded by others but being supported and vice versa. I no longer care about who I’m surrounded by. I’ve seen people be surrounded by dozens of people and still look alone. They lash out because even though they were surrounded they weren’t supported. I don’t want to be company to anyone I’m not helping in some way. Even if the help is just being a positive person who tries to do right by God. A person who does what they say they are going to. A friend who believes in themselves and as a result you believe in yourself too.

With the mental and emotional gymnastics I put myself through, I should have as many golds as Simone Biles left Paris with.

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It’s the first day of Fall. As the resident “King of Fall” I felt that it thematically made sense to drop this as we change seasons. To truly rid myself of the summer feelings that had been bubbling over. The Fall equinox took place this morning so I’m over it. Equinox, meaning equal parts day and night…man I love words. Today is about balance. I’m balanced in my habits, both good and bad. I have perfect balance in this life and the next. I’m balanced in love, friendship, my relationship with God. Balanced in thoughts. I hope that after reading this you walk away with some balance in your own life or thoughts what ever that looks like for you.

BlackGradLife: Last Day Of Summer Playlist:

https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/pl.u-GmAZIxj9YPG

BLACK GRAD LIFE

Music, the Black experience, and life after college lifestyle blog by Joe©️